Working with Childrens Nightmares

9th of February, 2007

What do you do when a child has a nightmare?

Although it can be daunting to handle a child’s pain and fear from scary dreams, here is a straightforward method that works with almost all bad dreams.

Billy's Nightmare

Lynn’s grandson, four-year-old Billy, often stayed overnight. He would occasionally dream that he was being chased and would wake up very frightened. This was a typical dream:

I dream I have been left in the shopping mall on my own. A monster in the mall is going to get me.

Lynn and I discussed how she could help Billy. I suggested that when Billy next told her a nightmare, Lynn should ask him if he thought that Lynn could protect him from the threat. If he said yes, then she should say to him, "The next time you get chased like that, bring me into the dream and I will chase the monster away and take you home."

If that relieved Billy’s fears, she could go further

"In fact, let me in there right now and I'll show him. I am a good witch and I'm even more powerful than he is. I'll sweep him away with my broom." Then Lynn should get the broom out of the closet and make sweeping motions.

Finally, Lynn should discuss with Billy what he can do if no grownup managed to get into the dream with him: look for a place to hide or a way to fight the monster himself. He can also wake himself up and call for help.

Lynn acted on these suggestions, and within two weeks, Billy's nightmares stopped. When he stays with his grandparents, he goes to sleep secure in the knowledge that he has many different levels of protection from dream threats.

You and Your Child

If your child has nightmares, ask him who he believes could protect him in the nightmare. You can suggest people if he is hesitant. Perhaps it’s not an adult, but a pet or a baby sitter. Or even a cartoon character.

You can explain with lots of demonstrations, what will be done to protect the child. You want the child to know that he is secure with you.

Following this, come up with ideas with your child for what he can do if no adult (or pet or cartoon hero) is around. Work together on a plan or a way for him to call for an adult within his dream. —Also, help him to figure out places to hide, places that feel safe, places that might hold weapons for him to use.

Basically, help the child see the different ways to take charge of his nightmare. Perhaps he can draw the monster and you fighting the monster.

If you assert that you can defeat this monster, make certain that you really would do so. If you had doubts about your own willingness to do this – perhaps you are having a similar nightmare and having a hard time fighting your own monsters-- then find someone else to protect the child. You might say, "I think your father or your Aunt Nell would be the best to deal with this monster. What do you think?"

If the Nightmares Continue

If the child insists that no one could protect him or her from the monster or if the nightmares continued, seek out professional help.

A Note to the Politically Correct and Liberal

Dreams can be a primitive and violent world. I would focus on making the child feel secure at any cost. If he wants the US Air Force to drop a bomb on the monster, wince to yourself and go along with it. If it works, the violence level will go down in future dreams.

"It Was Only a Dream"

Unfortunately, we live in a culture that undervalues and de-values dreams. We tend to dismiss the dream rather than acknowledge the real fear the child is experiencing. The dream is real as it is happening. Responses such as "It was only a dream" are little consolation and have little effect. When a child in your life asks for help, show him the power he has in his dream world.

DIAL-IN DREAM GROUPS

Whether you live far away or close by, a phone group allows you to get a sense of dream work in a very convenient way. With this new work, I hope to communicate the pleasure and the excitement of dream work to many people.

• Day: Monday February 12th
• Time: 5pm-6pm Pacific Daylight Time
• Dial-in Number: 620-782-2200 (Kansas)
• Access Code: 707172#

DREAM GROUPS

The Saturday drop-in group ($20) is from 10 am to noon at 2315 Prince Street in Berkeley. The nearest major cross street is Ashby and Telegraph. Please let me know if you are coming.

PLEASE MAKE ANOTE: GROUPS ON FEB 10th, 17th AND MAR 3rd BUT THERE IS NO GROUP ON FEB 24th.

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Best wishes

David Jenkins

Dream RePlay

email: davidj@dreamoftheweek.com

phone: (510) 644 2369

web: http://dreamoftheweek.com