Dear David,

When we feel guilty, it is hard to imagine any other response. I call it self-wrongness because it is a kind of mirror-image of self-righteousness. Self-righteous people believe they can do no wrong. With self-wrongness, people believe they cannot do right. In both cases, our imagination has failed us and we can’t see any alternatives.

Guilt in our waking lives usually has a clear explanation. "I dropped the ball and our side lost the tournament. Everyone blamed me." But, in our dreams, the guilt is often established before we even begin the dream. "I have stolen a jewel. The police are looking for me."

We accept the guilt without ever considering whether our actions could be justified or that we might have alternative explanations.

In plain words, our dream-selves are frozen in the guilt, focused on exposure and punishment.

But, because it is a dream, we can change the scenario and rid ourselves of the guilt.

Your Task

Create alternative scenarios in which you acknowledge the action but are innocent of the guilt. The explanation doesn't have to be reasonable or even plausible. The important step is to move away from guilt.

Consider the guilty experience in these dreams. Imagine at least one good reason why you might have done the action of which you are "guilty."

I dream I have cut off my brother's arm. They are taking him to the hospital. I know no one will ever forgive me.

Under what circumstances would it be a loving act to cut off your brother's arm? Perhaps your brother was trapped by a landslide and a tornado was heading straight for you? In that case, you sacrificed his arm in order to save his life. It sounds implausible, but isn't it more farfetched to say you did it because he used to hit you when you were four?

I dream I have broken the only family heirloom – a chamber pot that my grandmother brought from the old country. My mother will punish me.

Consider the possibility that your family, burdened by its history, needed a fresh start. You are the first person in the family who had the courage to make a break with the past.

I dream I have shot someone. I’m wondering where to hide. I know there will be a trial. I'll be found guilty and everyone will be horrified.

Suppose it was self-defense. Suppose – even more outlandishly – that you are glad for what you did and the person deserved it.

Waiting for the Next Dream

A Journey of 1,000 Miles Begins with a Single Step

The goal is for you to have an enjoyable dream life. But guilt (and it's cousin shame) raise excruciating problems that are rarely solved in one effort. The approach in this column of destabilizing the guilt is only a first step: it is aimed at relieving you of the burden of this frozen perspective that you are and must be in the wrong.

Resolving the guilt or understanding the event to which the guilt refers can only begin when you’re no longer frozen in guilt. Beyond guilt, your dream-self then has the chance to actually “see” the truths in the dream. But that's for another column.

DIAL-IN DREAM GROUPS

Whether you live far away or close by, a phone group allows you to get a sense of dream work in a very convenient way. With this new work, I hope to communicate the pleasure and the excitement of dream work to many people.

• Day: Monday January 22nd
• Time: 5pm-6pm Pacific Daylight Time
• Dial-in Number: 620-782-2200 (Kansas)
• Access Code: 707172#

DREAM GROUPS

The Saturday drop-in group ($20) is from 10 am to noon at 2315 Prince Street in Berkeley. The nearest major cross street is Ashby and Telegraph. Please let me know if you are coming.

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Best wishes