January 5th, 2007

YOUR HOLIDAY GIFT

Many thanks to everyone who so generously responded to my reader survey. It is heartening to know that many of you enjoy and benefit from Dream of the Week and it was enlightening to hear what worked for you and what didn't.

In a subsequent column, I will discuss the highlights of your comments and put a more complete summary of the survey on my website. For the moment, I want to mention a few things as a result of your feedback.

Future columns will address as many of your requests as possible. There was a great deal of interest in how to have more pleasurable dreams, and how to share dreams. It was helpful to learn that many readers are feeling challenged by knowing how to share their dreams, and a frequent concern (even among veterans) is the ability to remember dreams.

This week's column addresses a major concern: How to share your dreams with other people.

Once a Week is Good Enough for Dream Work

Finally, let me say - in response to a particular question - that how frequently you remember your dreams varies greatly from person to person. AND: One "fragment" a week is more than enough to do dream work.

And now for the dream topic of the week.

SHARING YOUR DREAMS

The goal of this column is to help make it easy for you to share your dreams with other people. The pleasure of being able to discuss your dreams is considerable but, for many people it is a big step.

Almost everyone, even complete strangers, can tell you something useful about your dreams. I never cease to marvel at how naturally most people actually understand the dream process. They may deny that they ever dream or insist that dreams are nonsense, but as soon as you present a dream to them, they will have great feedback and insights.

The Rewards

Apart from the sheer pleasures of talking about dreams and that other people's feedback is so valuable, when you freely tell your dreams, you will quickly find out which friends enjoy discussing dreams. Some people will reciprocate and share their dreams.

Hearing other people's dreams gives you a wider sense of what dream life is about. We each only have one dream life. Other people can have radically different experiences in their dreams and that can inspire you to dream differently.

The Risks

We live in a dream-deprived society where most people are reluctant to share their dreams. Some people fear that a deep, dark secret may be revealed. This is close to hocus-pocus that goes back to the dark Freudian ages. That was when every dream interpretation was always about sex and sex was bad. It's not totally untrue – sharing dreams requires some good judgment on your part but just as the first motor cars seemed incredibly dangerous, some good sense and good "driving" will allow you to steer a dream conversation successfully.

You can discuss a dream without allowing people to pry into your personal life. If people do ask overly personal questions, don't answer them. Just thank them.

To tell your dreams freely you do need to be somewhat thick-skinned . Remember, at first you’ll have no idea what level of sophistication the listener will have. Just because someone has been a close friend for years does not guarantee that he or she will have any sensitivity to dream-sharing.

Some people will see your dream-sharing as an opportunity to tell you everything they've been dying to say. You have to be tough enough to handle a few shots below the belt. And maybe chose not to tell this person your dreams again.

A Special Warning About Deep Dark Secrets

Of course, if you do have an important secret, such as stealing money at work or cheating on your loved one, it is likely to be on your mind and may well come out. This may not be a good time to share dreams with friends unless you specfically want their help with your secret.

Rules

Here are some simple rules to protect yourself and others:

• Avoid any dreams that name actual people.
• Don't share dreams with people you don't like or respect
• Remember that you are not searching for one truthful answer to the dream; you are looking for a range of answers

People will, without fail, find their own issues in your dream. If Jack tells you that your dream is about the time when you forgot to call him, say "Thank you." If Jill tells you that the dream is about how God wants you to accompany her to church on Sunday, say "Thank you." You are under no obligation to follow their interpretation nor to disprove it.

If you do feel lost for words or you wish to close down the conversation, you can always say, "That's very interesting. I'll think about it." or even "So that is what it would mean if it were your dream." If you need an extra-strength response try "I think that's more about you than it is about me."

To Begin

All you have to do is say "I had this amazing/great/awful dream last night" and see whether you get any response from your listener. You will know within a second or so if you have an interested listener and permission to tell the dream.

If you don't clearly get an OK to tell the dream, change the subject.

What to Expect

At the dream level, your Dream-self is taking everything in and sifting through, looking for better ways to live her dream life. Everything is helpful. Nothing is wasted.

At the waking level, you are looking for an interpretation that will make sense of the dream. Some people's comments will be directly on target. Others will miss the boat entirely. Sometimes a gem is given to you when someone totally misunderstands the dream, giving you the truly important aspect of the dream.

Appreciate all responses. You never know which of the "useless" ones will have an effect upon your Dream-self.

Conclusion

When you have the ability to share your dreams with a wide range of people, you have added a new dimension to your dream life. Anyone can contribute to your understanding of your dream. Every time you share a dream, you gain something.

Who knows, you may be on your way to starting a dream group.

DIAL-IN DREAM GROUPS

Whether you live far away or close by, a phone group allows you to get a sense of dream work in a very convenient way. With this new work, I hope to