I find that the best way to work with guilt is to address the most pressing issue and come up with alternative responses to the dream situation. I don’t try to get into the "deeper," psychological issues.

I favor solving one problem at a time, one dream at a time. The next dream will tell you the next part of the problem.

Guilt is about action and reaction, even in our dream life. Something was done in the dream, and on reflection, we wish we had acted differently. For example, a practicing Catholic dreams that he lies in confession. An upstanding citizen dreams she is caught shoplifting.

Back in the fourth century, Saint Augustine (who believed in original sin) experienced guilt from his dreams. He had given up a wayward life of wine, women and song and turned to God. Nevertheless, in his dreams, he sometimes carried on with his wild ways. He worried whether, in waking life, he was responsible for the sinful acts of his dream self.

Two Kinds of Guilt

There’s a huge difference between these two dreams:

I dream I'm in the kitchen. My mother throws me a plate. I drop it and it breaks. I say, “I’m sorry.” I feel guilty.

I dream I walk into the kitchen and my mother says, “Why did you break the plate?” I say, “I’m sorry.” I feel guilty.

In the first dream, you might know you dropped the plate and that you have some responsibility for this (as perhaps does your mother.) In the second dream, you had no knowledge of breaking the plate and, therefore, to my way of thinking, should not accept any guilt.

In the first example, the dream work might focus on how you and your mother need better coordination so as to stop breaking things.

In the second dream, there is no actual evidence of your doing something wrong. The guilt is a kind of original sin. Dreams often start in the middle of a situation without explaining the events that got the action rolling. (These kinds of dreams are very common--see Column #2 "Responsible.") No need to accept guilt for actions you did not do or cannot change.

In the second dream, your response to the accusation could be "I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m sorry the plate was broken but I know nothing about it."

Maybe you have never liked the plate, are glad it is broken and would have broken it if you had the chance. All the same, you didn’t break it in the dream, so don’t take the blame.

Janice's Dream

I dream I am having sex with my ex-boy friend.

Janice planned to marry her current boyfriend and felt horrified that, in the dream, she had quite forgotten about him. In this dream she acted in a way that would horrify her had it happened in waking life.

I asked Janice whether she was, in waking life, likely to get involved again with her ex. She was certain that she wasn’t. That is an important issue--the dream did not reflect a realistic waking life concern. She felt guilty about being so attracted to her ex and, like St Augustine, was disturbed that the dream had happened. Other people might approach this dream differently and want to learn to refuse to feel guilt for their actions in their dream life

Guilt is a complex emotion and Janice was, in this dream, only dealing with one aspect: the guilt that she felt about having sex with her ex. In a later dream it would be no surprise if she dealt with other areas of the problem--for instance, why she is still so attracted to her ex and what her current boyfriend would have to do to satisfy her.

Working on your Own Guilt Dreams

There isn’t one simple model for working with dreams of guilt and regret. First, decide whether you are even responsible within your dream for the events. Then the core issue is to take an action that addresses your feelings of guilt.

In an upcoming column, I will discuss what you do when you decide that you have to accept responsibility for the dream actions and to make reparations.

DREAM ANALYSIS BY TELEPHONE
 

A phone consultation is a great way to begin your exploration of dream work. It is also perfect when you don’t have the time to attend a regular class but want to discuss a particular dream.

David is available for dream consultations by phone. The current cost is $50 per hour. A typical dream analysis might consist of a 30-45 minute discussion of the dream and a follow up after the next dream.

David’s hours for telephone consultations are Monday through Friday, 10 am to 7 pm, Pacific Time. To make an appointment, please email him with two or three times when you are available and your phone number. He will e-mail you back with an appointment time, payment information and request a confirmation. David’s e-mail address is davidj@dreamreplay.com

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