Dreams of death are often disturbing and, on occasion, they can leave us with strongly unpleasant feelings that do not go away.

In an earlier column, Using Nostalgia, I discussed dreams of loved ones who had already passed away. Those dreams can be deeply gratifying. They are quite different from dreams in which the issue of death and dying is current in the dream.

There are two pieces of good news -- if you can call it that. First, our dream self will be back tomorrow night to continue its dream life. Second, dreams of death are often followed by dreams of rebirth that can be as exquisite as the death dream was awful.

Before we consider what actions you might take when death is keenly present, I want to acknowledge that the experience can be very upsetting. If you are feeling intensely sad or guilty from a dream it can be little comfort to hear that the feelings will pass and that the dream will later be seen as a gift.

Waking Reality

The first question to ask yourself when you have a dream about death is whether this is a reflection of realistic dangers in your waking life.

Do you live in a violent neighborhood or have a potentially violent partner? Is the dream a message about your personal life style? Is there something you are doing to excess that is potentially life-threatening? Excesses of drugs, alcohol, extreme sports, sexual activity or reckless driving might be reflected in your dreams.

If these circumstances apply then treat the dreams as a warning about your waking life (When is a Rose Simply a Rose?)

If there is no direct connection to your waking life then you can treat the death in the dream as a symbolic message.

Near Death Dreams Are Different

Many dreams are about the risk of death, rather than actually dying. When examining your dream, consider whether your death is inevitable?

I dream that my car has spun off the road. I know I was driving too fast. I know I am going to die.

I am in an elevator that is out of control. The buttons won't work and we are hurtling to the ground.

Because you are far from dead in both of these dreams, I would consider your living options. What could you do to help yourself? Convert the dream into a movie (The MovieMethod) and ask how it would pan out if the hero were driving the car or stuck in the elevator?

A man walks into my house with a gun and shoots me. I know I am going to die.

It sounds nitpicking but I would still ask whether you are really going to die? Was the shot lethal? When you consider your actual dream, the answer might be yes and it might be no. Either way, you can continue the dream (Continuing the Dream). You could decide that your neighbors get you to the hospital knowing you will recover, it might be that they they lay you down gently and quickly call your loved ones in so everyone can say goodbye.

My girlfriend shot me. She aimed at my heart and fired. I know I have 5 seconds left to live.

This time I believe the dreamer.

If you are going to die in the dream, and given that it is ''only a dream,'' consider how you will be reborn. You don't have to believe in rebirth to play with the ideas.

A Good Death

Not all dreams of death are unpleasant:

I am walking across the street. A car slams into me and I die. I leave my body and think to myself ''Fantastic, now I'm going to find out what happens next!''

Lisa's Dreams

I dream it's the French revolution and I am being taken to have my head cut off. I wake up in a cold sweat.

Several nights later, she had the following dream:

I dream that I am with my mother. It is spring. We are looking at a tree and there are caterpillars on every leaf. It feels wonderful. I am holding a cocoon in my hand, waiting for it to turn into a butterfly.

That's a rebirth dream.

Death and Rebirth

Dreams about babies, pregnancy, cocoons, tadpoles, winter turning into spring, and such, all tend to indicate that you have worked through the ''death'' aspect of the dream issue and are finding something quite new (and beautiful) growing in its place.

A rebirth dream might come the night after a death dream and it might not come for several weeks. If you simply have one or just a few dreams about death, expect a rebirth dream in the near future.

When the Dream is about the Death of Someone Else

A dream about the death of someone else is much harder to work with. It may cause grave anguish if you feel responsible for the death. Just the fact of dreaming about the death of someone who is alive may feel so inappropriate that it can leave a strong feeling of guilt or shame. My rule of thumb is this: if the dream continues to bother you during your waking life, consider seeing a specialist, perhaps a psychotherapist, rather than trying to work on it on your own.

Someone else's death can indicate that your relationship with that person is going through a major change.

Death in Perspective

Death makes sense as an aspect of growth. In order for you to grow and develop as a person, some parts of you have to die off. That moment, when you are letting go of secure old habits, is the most difficult.

All the same, when you experience several nights of sheer terror, it is hard to accept that this is good for you. My best recommendation is to share that dream with someone you trust. It will ease the burden and you will often find that your friend (or dream group) has insights to offer about the dream that will make it much easier to bear.

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Best wishes